بِسْمِ الله الرَّحمَن الرَّحِيم

In an earlier post, we discussed toddlers, big emotions, developing brains, and how our calm presence helps young children feel safe and supported. That foundation is essential, but as children grow, the work of social and emotional learning does not stop; it continues to deepen. In this post, I will expand on the previous post to further explain social emotional learning (SEL) and why it is essential in raising healthy, happy, and productive members of society.

What Is Social and Emotional Learning (SEL)?

Prophet Muḥammad (ṣ) said:

“Shall I tell you who is the toughest and strongest from among you? The one who controls himself when he is angry.” 

Social and Emotional Learning refers to the process through which children and adolescents develop the ability to:

• Recognize and understand their emotions
• Manage emotions and impulses
• Show empathy and respect for others
• Build and maintain healthy relationships
• Make responsible, ethical decisions

School-age children and adolescents are no longer just learning how to calm down. They are learning how to:

• Understand themselves
• Navigate relationships
• Manage inner conflicts
• Make values-based decisions

This is where Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) becomes closely tied to identity, character, and faith. SEL is not about suppressing emotions or being “well-behaved.” It is about learning how to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively, a skill that grows more important with age. As children mature, emotions become more complex. Feelings like jealousy, anger, anxiety, embarrassment, and moral conflict emerge more clearly. The goal is to learn how to discipline the self in response to these emotions, not deny them. 

Imām ʿAli (ʿa) said:  “He who teaches his own self and disciplines it deserves more reverence than one who teaches others and disciplines them.” 

From an Islamic perspective, we can see how SEL closely aligns with the development of akhlāq (character).  Additionally, as our children grow older, SEL is no longer just emotional regulation; it is a foundation for moral regulation, and by strengthening SEL, children learn how to:

• Pause before acting
• Reflect on consequences
• Consider others
• Align choices with values
  

These are qualities emphasized by our beloved Prophet Muḥammad (ṣ) and through the teachings of the Ahlul Bayt (ʿa). Islamic nurturing (tarbiyyah) entails that we raise our children in a manner in which the foundation of their faith and character is strong. This will allow them to flourish and become the well-rounded individuals we strive for them to become as parents. 

Prophet Muḥammad (ṣ) said: “Honor your children and raise them well and you will be forgiven.” 

SEL Matters Just as Much as Academics

It is essential to keep in mind that knowledge without character is incomplete. As parents, we often focus on academics for our children, and while we should set high standards for our youth, let us not forget that as academic expectations increase, emotional demands increase alongside them. Children are expected to:

• Manage frustration
• Work through challenges
• Collaborate with peers
• Handle failure and success with balance

   

Research shows that children with strong SEL skills perform better academically, demonstrate greater persistence, and experience fewer behavioral and emotional difficulties, and SEL programs have been shown to improve:

• Academic performance
• Classroom behavior
• Focus and motivation
• Long-term mental health 

Our children spend the majority of their young years in schools, and, from an Islamic lens, schools are not only places of instruction (taʿlīm) but also places of nurturing (tarbiyyah). Teaching children how to work through conflict, manage stress, and treat others with dignity is part of preparing them to live as ethical Muslims in a complex world. A child may excel academically, but without emotional and ethical grounding, that knowledge can easily become disconnected from faith and purpose.

The Parent’s Role as Children Grow

As children move beyond early childhood, the parent’s role shifts, from managing emotions to mentoring emotional insight, and SEL supports that inner change. This looks like:

• Encouraging reflection rather than immediate correction
• Asking questions instead of giving quick answers
• Helping children connect feelings to choices

The Noble Qurʾān reminds us:

“Indeed, Allah does not change the condition of a people until they change what is within themselves.” 

Supporting SEL at Home (Practical Reflections)

For older children, SEL can be supported by:

• Naming emotions without judgment
• Discussing real-life dilemmas through an Islamic lens
• Encouraging accountability and repair when mistakes happen
• Modeling patience, humility, and reflection
  

Social and Emotional Learning is not something we “finish” in the early years. It grows alongside our children, shaping how they learn, how they worship, and how they treat others. When we invest in SEL beyond toddlerhood, we are helping our children develop the inner strength to carry knowledge with wisdom, emotions with balance, and faith with sincerity.

May Allah (swt) grant us the insight to raise children whose hearts are as nurtured as their minds, and whose character reflects the teachings of the Ahlul Bayt (ʿa).

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 Noble Qurʾān, Sūrah ar-Raʿd (23), Verse 11.

Dr. Nazneen Askari holds a PhD in Curriculum & Instruction (Teacher Education and ECE Leadership) from Texas A&M University, a Master’s in Clinical Psychology, and is a Licensed Professional Counselor with over 20 years of experience in education and mental health leadership. She serves as a preschool administrator and works alongside Al-Kisa Foundation to support culturally grounded, faith-informed mental health and family systems within Muslim communities.