Dear Kisa,
God-willing, I will be taking my family for the Arbaʿīn pilgrimage this year, but I don’t know how to maximize this trip for my young children in a new environment, far away from home, surrounded by a culture and language that is foreign to them. How should I best help them and myself on this spiritual journey?
Sincerely,
A Striving Parent
Dear Striving Parent,
You can help your children and yourself by treating this journey as a gentle introduction to love for Imām Ḥusayn (ʿa) and Allah (swt), not as a test of how “serious” or “perfect” everyone can be.
Let Children be Children
Your little ones are stepping into a very intense spiritual space, but they are still small, with small bodies and small emotional capacities. It is natural that they will laugh, get distracted, want snacks, or ask for play even in the middle of the walk or near the Ḥaram, and this does not reduce the value of your ziyārah. When you accept that children cannot stay sad and serious all the time, you give them permission to experience Karbalāʾ with their whole hearts – through curiosity, joy, awe, and short moments of quiet reflection.
You can softly explain, “This is a place where many people are remembering Imām Ḥusayn (ʿa), so sometimes we’re quiet, and sometimes we can smile and talk – Allah (swt) is listening in both moments.” If they get restless, let them play a little in safer, less crowded areas, walk shorter distances, or enjoy simple games or drawing when you rest in a mawkib1, so they associate Arbaʿīn with warmth and security, not pressure.
Teach through Gentle Stories
Children enter spiritual meanings most easily through stories. Before and during the trip, tell them simple, loving stories about Imām Ḥusayn (ʿa) and Lady Zaynab: how Prophet Muḥammad (ṣ) loved Imām Ḥusayn (ʿa), how Imām Ḥusayn (ʿa) always told the truth, shared, and cared for others, and how Lady Zaynab was brave, patient, and spoke beautifully and courageously to defend justice. Avoid graphic or frightening details of the tragedy; focus instead on courage, kindness, loyalty, and submission to Allah (swt).
You can use age-appropriate videos or picture books as a starting point, then retell the stories in your own words that match your child’s temperament. For example, on the road you might say: “Imām Ḥusayn (ʿa) loved Allah (swt) so much that he never agreed to do something wrong, even when a powerful man tried to force him. We are walking because we love brave people who stand up for truth.” Later, when you are resting, you can add simple stories about the helpers of Imām Ḥusayn (ʿa) and how real friends do not leave each other in hard times.
Care for your own heart and expectations
As a parent, you carry the weight of logistics, safety, emotions, and spirituality all at once, so it is easy to feel guilt if you think you are “not doing enough.” Try to enter Arbaʿīn with managed expectations: your primary amānah is to protect your children and nurture love for Imām Ḥusayn (ʿa) in their hearts, not to complete every ritual or attend every program. If you need to rest instead of joining a particular majlis, or skip a crowded visit because your child is overwhelmed, that choice can itself be a form of worship when done with consciousness of Allah (swt) and care for your trust.
Take time for your own mental and spiritual wellbeing. This may look like short moments alone for duʿāʾ, a trip to the Ḥaram on your own for a short time, or quiet dhikr while your children nap or play can anchor you. You might remind yourself: “Allah (swt) invited us here as a family, not as perfect pilgrims. My role is to walk at the pace of my children’s hearts.” Releasing perfectionism makes you more emotionally present, which your children will feel and remember.
Focus on Being Present, Not Checklists
It is very common to feel that Arbaʿīn “counts” only if you do the entire walk, all the ziyārah texts, and every recommended act. With young children, this mindset can turn a gift into a burden. It is completely acceptable if you do not walk every kilometer, if you shorten the route, or even if you mostly experience the ziyārah from close-by areas and mawākib that feel manageable for your family. The essence is that, in whatever moments you can, you turn your heart toward Allah (swt) and Imām Ḥusayn (ʿa), express gratitude for being in that land, and help your children say a small salām with sincerity.
Instead of a checklist, treat each small moment as ʿibādah: a whispered salām at the Ḥaram gate, a shared duʿāʾ with your child holding your hand, a quiet tear while they are drawing beside you, or even calming a tantrum with patience for the sake of Allah (swt). These are stitches in the spiritual fabric of your children’s relationship with Karbalāʾ. Over the years, as they grow, the details of what you “completed” will fade, but the feeling of being safe, loved, and gently connected to Imām Ḥusayn (ʿa) in that journey will stay.
If you hold onto that, you and your children can return home knowing that you did what truly matters: you walked together, at your family’s pace, toward Allah (swt).
May your ziyārah and efforts be accepted by the Master of Martyrs,
Kisa
1 Mawkib: a service station – at religious sites or religious occasions – where pilgrims can rest or recieve food and drink.