Dear Kisa,
My children are in elementary and middle school, and this Muḥarram season, I am exploring how to raise Ḥusaynī children while they are surrounded by influences and challenges that continuously pull them in the opposite direction. What can I do?
Sincerely,
A Mother in Mourning
Dear Mourning Mother,
“If tears flow from a believer’s eyes (in sorrow) and falls upon his cheeks for the oppression and tyranny which has been inflicted upon us by our enemies, then Allah (swt) will present him a seat in Paradise. And the believer who undergoes sufferings on our behalf and tears flow on his cheeks, then Allah (swt) will remove sorrow from his face, and on the Day of Qiyamah will keep him away from His wrath and safeguard him against the fire (of Hell).”1
The ache of wanting to raise children who love Imām Ḥusayn (ʿa), while watching them grow up among so many competing voices, is a real and heavy burden. However, this is also one of the most beautiful trusts Allah (swt) places in a parent’s hands: to help a child learn that truth is not always the easiest path, but it is always the path that will soar us to the All-mighty (swt).
What a Ḥusaynī Upbringing Means:
To raise Ḥusaynī children is not simply to teach them mourning rituals; it is to help them grow into people who choose Allah (swt), even when the world asks them to choose comfort instead.
The absence of self-sacrifice in society is leading our families and children into self-serving bubbles that are ego- and comfort-driven. The solution? Build a culture of self-sacrifice in your home. Self-sacrifice is the deliberate act of surrendering your own desires, needs, or well-being for the benefit of others or a greater cause. In the light of Karbalāʾ, that greater cause is submission to Allah (swt) and the perfection of the soul; so we are not truly “sacrificing ourselves,” but rather **actualizing ourselves** by becoming what we were created to be.
Practical Actions at Home
Begin with small, steady practices that make Muḥarram real in the home. Read a short majlis or a child-friendly reflection together, speak about one value at a time, and connect that value to one concrete act, such as sharing food, helping a sibling, speaking kindly, or praying on time.
You can also use everyday moments to plant the meaning of sacrifice in ordinary language. When a child gives up screen time to help a parent, waits patiently for a turn, or forgives a sibling, remind them that this is not loss, but growth; not disappearance of the self, but the making of a stronger self for Allah’s sake.
A Home Shaped by Karbalāʾ
A Ḥusaynī home is not one where children are forced into emotion, but one where they are gently trained to love what Imām Ḥusayn (ʿa) loved. It is a home where discipline is tied to mercy, where grief is tied to purpose, and where the remembrance of Karbalāʾ becomes a school of character rather than only a season of mourning.
So keep speaking, keep modeling, keep praying, and keep turning your children to Allah (swt). In time, they will learn that the path of Imām Ḥusayn (ʿa) is not the path of giving up the self, but the path of discovering the self in its highest form.
Here are four reflective questions to help you think of how to build a home that centers self-sacrifice:
Reflective Questions:
1. Do my explanations of “giving up” (time, comfort, toys) point my child to Allah (swt) — that we give because closeness to Him (swt) is more precious than temporary ease?
2. Do I encourage my children to offer small voluntary acts (sharing food, helping out at home, helping a neighbor) with the intention of earning Allah’s pleasure rather than seeking praise?
3. Are our corrections tied to spiritual growth (reminding them how choices affect the heart and their relationship with Allah (swt)) instead of being only about behavior management?
4. Do I teach that true sacrifice is not self‑annihilation but the soul’s purification and actualization for Allah (swt), and do I explain that idea in age‑appropriate words?
May your tears for Sayyid ush-Shuhadāʾ (ʿa) be the building blocks of developing spiritually and morally strong children and homes.
With many duʿās in this blessed spiritual season,
Kisa
1 Nafasul Mahmum, Shaykh Abbas Qummi, Tradition #11