بِسْمِ الله الرَّحمَن الرَّحِيم
In the Name of Allah, All-Beneficent, the All-Merciful
Indeed, those who say, ‘Our Lord is Allah!’ and then remain steadfast, the angels descend upon them, [saying,] ‘Do not fear, nor be grieved! Receive the good news of the paradise, which you have been promised.‘ 1
قُلْ لَنْ يُصِيبَنَا إِلَّا مَا كَتَبَ اللَّهُ لَنَا هُوَ مَوْلَانَا ۚ وَعَلَى اللَّهِ فَلْيَتَوَكَّلِ الْمُؤْمِنُونَ
Say, ‘Nothing will befall us except what Allah has ordained for us. He is our master, and in Allah let all the faithful put their trust.’ 2
Nighttime is one of those great challenges for children and many adults. Darkness, shadows, and silence can play with the imagination. Alone with one’s thoughts, a soul can be consumed by dreams and self-doubt.
Toddlers alone in their beds are especially vulnerable to the nighttime. Their imagination and emotions are still stronger than their reason.3 They are still very dependent on parents for their sense of security and comfort. Separation by a few feet and walls and doors can feel like a desolate isolation in a faraway place.
Parents, short on sleep from weaning and potty training while managing other responsibilities, may lose patience with little ones coming to them for comfort. And this can feel like rejection, making the nighttime lonelier than ever.
And yet in the verses we have mentioned above, Allah (swt) responds to fear and anxiety with encouragement to have faith and trust in Him and to be steadfast. And He promises angels who will bring comfort and good news. Perhaps if we let Allah (swt) set the tone for dealing with the nighttime, things will be easier for little hearts and their parents, inshāʾAllāh.
Understanding the Toddler Brain
The toddler brain is still primarily controlled by emotions and imagination. Imagination is a vital tool that helps a young mind explore and understand the world. This ability to imagine and pretend is the root of developing skills like communication and problem-solving. And the ability to imagine and pretend really takes hold around 2-3 years old.4
It is also around this age that parents start to settle their little ones in their own room, and little ones start to realize they are separate beings from mom and dad. This can all be scary and stressful, especially when a child is unable to fully understand it from a rational perspective.
The power of imagination in a mature mind can give man the ability to think abstractly and philosophically and come to amazing conclusions. However, according to theology, it also has a tendency to conjure up fearful thoughts and images.5
The toddler brain is not yet at the point where the power of the intellect reigns over the powers of anger, passion, and imagination. And so the mind is vulnerable to all kinds of vividly frightening thoughts and images. Therefore, parents need to be the voice of reason and, like the All-Merciful, they need to be compassionate protectors.
Turning to the Ultimate Protector in the Nighttime
Allah (swt) is Al-Wakīl (The Trustee, The Disposer of Affairs, The One Who is relied upon) and Al-Ḥafīẓ (The Preserver, The Protector, The Guardian).
We turn to Allah (swt) when we are afraid, anxious, stressed, or worried. We call upon Him by these names when we want to entrust our cares to Him or when we seek His protection.
Our littlest ones turn to parents in this same way. They are not yet at the point where they start to know, understand, and turn to Allah (swt). Parents have to model Allah’s attributes at the human level in order for children to eventually understand these attributes directly from the Creator Himself.
Furthermore, Imām ʿAlī (ʿa) has said,
“I am amazed at the one who hopes for the mercy of one who is above him; how can he not show compassion to the one who is below him?!”6
How we deal with the challenges of parenting our children is both written in our ledger with our Lord and an influence on the outcome for the children. We benefit greatly from trying our best to benefit our children. The good results can be exponential and continue to yield blessings long after our children are grown.
Throughout the challenges of the nighttime, remember that compassion and mercy are not weaknesses. They are of the traits of Allah (swt) and the ways of the Ahlul Bayt (ʿa). When you are feeling stretched thin, do what you hope your children will learn to do: call upon Allah (swt).
The Power of Cleanliness and Purification
It is beneficial to have a spiritual and hygienic bedtime routine that cultivates good bedtime practices and fosters prayerful little hearts.
Prophet Muḥammad (ṣ) has said:
“Wash the dirt off of your children’s faces since Satan will sense it and cause your children to be afraid while they are asleep.”7
And Imām Jaʿfar aṣ-Ṣādiq (ʿa) has said,
“Whoever purifies himself (makes wuḍūʾ) and then goes to his bed, he will sleep and his bed will be like his mosque.”8
So, cleanliness serves as a protection against those dark and scary things, both in the spiritual sense and at the psychological level. Bedtime bath can be a time for you and your child to bond and unwind from the day.9 Even a quick sponge bath can wash away the bad feelings.
At the toddler age, you can even start to teach your child how to perform the ablution (wuḍūʾ). Water and its purifying effects can calm the little souls as well as the elder souls. This is also a way to cultivate the communal nature of spirituality and religion.
The primal, irrational brain is also the foundation of the tribal mindset. Cultivating the better side of this mindset fosters a sense of family and, ultimately, community togetherness.
This leads to a mind that feels safe and secure, knowing that there are friends and loved ones to turn to for comfort and help. And, as always, when a heart knows how to feel secure among its people, it knows how to feel secure with the One who is always there.
The Power of Prayer
Prayer is the best way to connect with Allah (swt) and ask Him for help and protection. Over the years, we will have to wean our children from their reliance on others and transition to reliance on Allah (swt).
Part of the process is talking to them about Allah (swt) as if He is another person in the home (because He is). Children will start to talk about Allah (swt) on their own and eventually speak directly to Him!
To facilitate this transition, you can teach your children various prayers and supplications.
One thing that is recommended before bedtime is to recite the tasbīḥ of Sayyidah Fāṭimah az-Zahrāʾ (ʿa). Teach your child the tasbīḥ in this manner: Allāhu Akbar (34 times), Alḥamdulillāh (33 times), and Subḥānallāh (33 times).
There are other bedtime supplications that you can find on duas.org. You can also teach your child some of the shorter chapters of the Noble Qurʾān. Whereby you establish the beautiful bedtime ritual of reciting selected short sūrahs or verses of the Noble Qurʾān with your child. Remembrance of Allah (swt) is one of the most effective means of calming the mind, body, and soul. This bedtime ritual will benefit both parent and child.
Imām ʿAlī (ʿa) has said:
“Remembering [Allah] comforts the soul, illuminates the heart and brings down the mercy [of Allah]”.10
Another option is to simply guide your children through different prayers of the heart. You can have them repeat after you as you pray to Allah (swt) for whatever is in your heart:
Yā Allah, protect us from the nighttime.
Yā Allah, make me one of Your people.
Yā Allah, take care of me, mom and dad, and brother and sister.
Yā Allah, keep away the bad dreams.
Yā Allah, keep me warm and safe.
You get the picture. No doubt there are many more things in your heart and your little one’s heart that you wish to share with Allah (swt). Make these supplications a time of unwinding and bonding.
Guiding the Power of Imagination
Since we are created with the power of imagination, it is something Allah (swt) means for us to use in beneficial ways.
We can cultivate a healthier imagination in our children to help them deal with the nighttime. Return to the ḥadīth that encourages going to bed in a state of purification and making our bed our mosque.
You can use this idea to make your child’s room like a cozy mosque. Select simple decorations that can create a safe and comfortable atmosphere in the room.
To further comfort your child, you may want to get them a nightlight. Find something that is gentle and not too bright. But, utilize imagination to help your child understand that the Light of Allah (swt) is the brightest and most comforting light of all.
And, to protect your child from the dark side of imagination, do not expose them to too much television. Also, make sure they are not being exposed to books and tales that are too scary or overstimulating.11
Oftentimes, You Are It
After all is said and done, your little one will still have times when they just want to climb into your bed. And sometimes that is the cure for that particular night.
Keep in mind the verses of the Noble Qurʾān we began with, such as the names of Allah (swt) emphasizing being protectors and carers, and the ḥadīth about wanting mercy from the One above us and showing mercy to those below us.
True, it is challenging to have to give so much of yourself to little ones. Giving up sleep, rest, and personal space can be trying.
Remind yourself of the rewards and turn to Allah (swt) for patience, steadfastness, and strength. Remember the verse that tells us:
فَإِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا
إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا
Indeed, ease accompanies hardship.
Indeed, ease accompanies hardship.12
Take time to contemplate why Allah (swt) repeated this phrase twice. Try to think of what is hardship and what is ease. And how can ease accompany hardship. The answer lies in Who it is that brings hardship and ease.
Whatever you do to find comfort in Allah (swt) and face the challenges of your toddler’s nighttime fears, don’t despair. May Allah (swt) reward you for all that you do as a parent, inshāʾAllāh.
إِنَّ اللهَ مَعَ الصَّابِرِينَ
Indeed, Allah is with the patient.13
Resources:
1 Noble Qurʾān, Sūrah Fuṣṣilat (41), Verse 30
2 Ibid., Sūrah at-Tawbah (9), Verse 51
3 Claire Lerner, I Said I Want the Red Bowl! Responding to Toddlers’ Irrational Behavior, zerotothree.org
4 Stages of Play from 24–36 Months: The World of Imagination, zerotothree.org
5 Muhammad Mahdi Naraqi, Jami’ al-Sa’adat (The Collector of Felicities), The Meaning and Origin of Akhlaq, al-islam.org
6 Āmidī, Ghurar al-Ḥikam, Ḥadīth #3873
7 Shaykh Ṣadūq, ʿUyūn Akhbār ar-Riḍā, Ḥadīth #321
8 ʿAllāmah Majlisī, Biḥār al-Anwār, V. 76, P. 35, Ḥadīth #1
9 Is Your Kid Getting All the Benefits of Bath Time?, nurturescienceprogram.org
10 Ghurar al-Ḥikam, Ḥadīth #3642
11 Cara Dumaplin, My Child is Afraid of the Dark, takingcarababies.com
12 Noble Qurʾān, Sūrah ash-Sharḥ (94), Verses 5-6
13 Noble Qurʾān, Sūrah al-Baqarah (2), Verse 153